What 2020 taught me
Curly girls, loyal clients or just ghost watchers :)
2020 has definitely taken its toll on everyone, I will not mention the C word. We've heard it enough. Uncurly hair related post- Hopefully relatable & comforting
Aside from the world coming to an ultimate pause but a surprising rebirth, it made me reflect, revaluate where I was in life and what I want to work on within myself. Selfishly it made me go inwards, and hopefully you guys had the chance to too.
1. There is truth in critism, no matter how harsh.
I got dealt with a lot of harsh truth, I mean literally people calling me up to tell me about me. No joke. I was told "Take your website down, you have no idea what you're doing", "You're a B*t%h", "You need to work on your intrapersonal skills", "Your mom is mad at you because you haven't made it yet..you've been at this for so long" and I got ghosted after a great date just before lockdown.
The first two incidents, I reacted, I made sure I was heard and had the last word. I was head strong, taking care of my bruised ego and sensitivity. The last two I replied with "Thank you for everything you have done for me". Odd- but fitting, I gave gratitude for their words, for their contribution to my personal growth, allowed them to know their words are just that- an opinion. Words they choose to express to me based on their feelings. Those didn't end well, but I sure felt good. As my friend Taryn would say " Return to sender".
I learned the only person who can determine my worth is me. Why would someone's opinion change how I feel about me? Also, don't hesitate to check your circle, those voices, and ask 'What purpose do you serve in my mental space". The bigger question when dealing with harsh criticism, is there truth or a lesson I can benefit from?
Was I acting like a B*t&h? Is my mom really disappointed in me? Does my website need some love?
All I'm saying is cancel culture sucks, harsh feedback can hurt but can offer an insight to truth we choose to not see about ourselves. 2020 didn't hold back, but threw me in the rink and told me correct my Sh*t. Really how could you, not work on you during this isolated period?
2. If you had all the time in the world what would you do?
Do you remember getting asked this question in school during career class? If money didn't matter and you had all the time in the world, What would you do? I can't tell you what my answer was in highschool, but I can genuinely say having literally all the time in the world. It confirmed what I was doing, is exactly what I want to be doing. It gave me that window to pause and explore other interest- You can't travel, You can't be social, You can't go to physical work or a workspace. You're home.
Aside from taking care of kids or elderly parents, keeping your sanity was on the forefront. I experienced a sense of relief, Whatever I want to do I could. Being someone who was always doing shows or working part-time on weekends. It was the first time I wasn't counting down my 'free days'. I was already a plant Mom and a baker before lock-down. I grew basil this year and made jars of pesto, I even made my mom an IG account called @nonnanucciapesto , until she made me change it. I painted naked women in my garage and smoked up. I I did zoom home workouts (also in my garage) and had my neighbors watch me from the driveway. I sold things from Kijiji, and started a Facebook shop listing all the things my mom hopes to sell from our basement, items from her first business in the 1960s. I printed off all the family photos from our last summer picnic because now those photos are 100x more valuable.
I didn't stop working, I knew my job wasn't done. As the creator of Curls and Confidence and now also the owner of Cicada skincare I had a lot of work to do.
The cool part to this year, I got reassurance that I am in line with what I am currently doing. If not this, what else would bring me happiness and fun all in one? I love my work, even when everything feels like its going sideways. Work always grounded me and gave me something to look forward to.
Did this time highlight where your true passion is? How can you change your work currently to align with what you love?
3. Normalize saying I love you
In my last relationship I genuinely don't remember saying I love you. I remember writing it on a cute sex cheque and the occasional text. I know Its ingrained when me and my sister-in-law hang up or end a text session. Seriously, How often do you say I love you to the people that matter?
About a year ago my closest and newest BFF one day random said "I love you" I felt it, and I said "I love you too!" I meant it, and understood why she was saying it. It was a deep platonic relationship that I cherished. I had turned a little more cold and detached. To say I love you warmed me up, it felt good, authentic, and a true expression of how much I valued her. This year, the year of debating who was worth a covid risk, who was worth risking to be around or to be part of their bubble. I had experienced more of my girlfriends saying 'I love you'. Spending a day getting my teeth cleaned, or dropping off new Cicada Hand sanitizer for my friends new gym she opened. I love you just rolled off the tongue, it shocked me, but it became our new norm- like a greeting. When my friend left for NY for modeling in July after coming back home because of the lockdown, we gave each other the biggest hug and I didn't hesitate to be the first one to say it, "I love you and I am so proud of you". My best friend bought her first house and I said it to her too, "I love you and I'm so proud of you."
Its a genuine, non-scary or committal expression of deep love and respect for someone. "I love you", and honestly we have to say it more- make sure you genuinely mean it. Life really is too short to not fully expression the love you have for the friends and inner circle you have around you. Say it to your parents, your closet friend, your partner, say it because to want love also means to give it. (BTW I love you for still reading this :)
4. Challenge your body to do something it's never done before
If you've been following me for at least 3 years you would know I'm thick and an average size 16-18. I love food, good food and lots of veggies- I also love the gym but have to find the balance. Weight loss has been my goal, my block my greatest thing I wish to achieve. I say this because 2020 has many of us left with quarantine weight or a great body transformation. No one can say they don't have the time for a morning walk, a home workout, or the time to meal prepped.
This year I challenged myself with consistency. No time interruptions, no excuse not to NOT be able to move, stretch and bend. Why not make it work this time?
I made a rule for myself for 30 days, I have one of those track-list-plan notebooks with a pie chart diagram. Here's the cool thing, I outlined 5 boxes with a specific color. Each day I have to shade in the box with how the previous day was. Did I wake up early? Did I workout? Did I eat well? Was I productive? All four = a green day. Did I wake up early and eat well but lounged around? = that's a purple day. The overall goal was to track how I was spending my days. How was I getting closer to my goals if everyday I'm not working on it. Point is you need to track your progress, your success, hold yourself accountable if you want to see progress.
Also I finally did one of those cleanses ( So easy 3 day Colon Cleanse) it was expensive but so worth it. It wasn't that I was backed up, but with what my friends were saying about this. I finally bite the bullet and did it.
I fasted for 4 days, day one I drank some cherry magnesium citrate, for the remaining just had these powdered 'meals' that makes your poop float. I didn't lose any weight, but I did gain the benefits of fasting. I had clarity, hyper focus, so much energy, I felt light, good and fully alert. Food wasn't my focus, and when I did eat I appreciated every bite of my first meal. I broke my fast with a august Ontario peach, my first meal was some pepper shrimp from Lyme. Yumm.
5. If you don't , would you regret it?
I kept asking myself this because I felt stuck for a while making a decision to move forward or to try again? I couldn't make up my mind, overwhelmed and a little a afraid. I was asked over and over again, Is it Curls or Cicada? I was invested in both, I had paused and gone quiet. My heart was in both, two separate entities. Two start up businesses born from creative impulse, naiveness, and a passion for the beauty industry.
I kept thinking, If I didn't try again with my curly hair subscription box, would I forever regret it? The answer was absolutely. Abs-f**cking-lutely I would.
Sometimes that's all you need to be reminded of. The worst thing is for it to be 2045, talking about 2020 and how we had this great global pause and remembering how you didn't try, you didn't go for your dreams, you didn't embrace fear. You didn't give it all you had.
Proud to say I got cicada skincare up and a new box on its way. Funny what a little pause, harsh truth, and some isolation brings you.
2020 isn't over yet, A month and half more to go!
Leave a comment below, share your 2020 lessons. Lets get glowing for 2021.
Christina, Founder of Curls and Confidence
Leave a comment